Pornography is not just a problem for men. But it is a battle that all men will face.
There has probably never been a time when these images are so prevalent and so easily accessed and yet their effect is so marginalized. Wives and fiancées are told to just accept this as a fact of life. Young men are fed the lie that this won’t do any damage to their relationships. The perception of pornography is increasingly changing in our culture.
Check out these stats from Barna on porn use among young people.
I had a good friend take a chance on the men in our church a few years back. He had found a book called “Every Man’s Battle” by Steve Arterburn. We formed a men’s group that discussed this battle every week for about 2 months. It was one of the most powerful groups I have ever been a part of.
At first I was excited to see how this study might help these men, but it wasn’t long before we realized that dealing with this issue was going to be difficult. In order to fight this fight, you can’t do it alone. For many of the guys in our group we realized it would get tougher before it would get better.
Some things I learned from this study:
1. It really is every man’s battle.
You’re not alone in this fight. This was actually one of the most comforting things that came out of the study. In a group of men that I had great respect for, each one of them had been through this battle.
2. Don’t try to exist in the middle ground.
You’ve probably heard the famous quote from Omaha beach on D-Day in WWII. “Only two kinds of people are gonna stay on this beach: those that are already dead and those that are gonna die.” When it comes to fighting for holiness, there’s not a middle ground. You keep pursuing Christ at all costs.
“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman. –Job 31:1
3. The group is not a gossip session
In the very first session, someone wanted to start talking about other people. Immediately one person shared how their own lust was the same as adultery and it transformed the conversation. Men weren’t going to talk about other men, they were going share about their own struggle.
Matthew 5:27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
4. You can’t do this in isolation.
Self-Medication is not the way. You need help. By keeping yourself accountable with other men facing the same battle you can find success in winning this war.
For many men anger lies at the root of their porn addiction. For other’s it’s a wife whose become more like their mommy than their life partner. But there is definitely a way out – and there’s so much hope on the other side. But you have to do the work.
If any of this sounds familiar, you may want to get professional help. If pornography is the issue, one of the best things you could ever do is attend the “Every Man’s Battle” workshop. If you need help finding a counselor, please check out www.newlife.com or call 1-800-NEW-LIFE.
Come join us for our unStuck series on Sundays and Wednesdays in February as we work at moving forward again.