Monthly Archives: January 2016

UnStuck – It’s Every Man’s Battle

Pornography is not just a problem for men.  But it is a battle that all men will face.

UnstuckPornographyWebSMThere has probably never been a time when these images are so prevalent and so easily accessed and yet their effect is so marginalized.  Wives and fiancées are told to just accept this as a fact of life.  Young men are fed the lie that this won’t do any damage to their relationships.  The perception of pornography is increasingly changing in our culture.

Check out these stats from Barna on porn use among young people.

I had a good friend take a chance on the men in our church a few years back.  He had found a book called “Every Man’s Battle” by Steve Arterburn.  We formed a men’s group that discussed this battle every week for about 2 months.  It was one of the most powerful groups I have ever been a part of.

At first I was excited to see how this study might help these men, but it wasn’t long before we realized that dealing with this issue was going to be difficult.  In order to fight this fight, you can’t do it alone.  For many of the guys in our group we realized it would get tougher before it would get better.


Some things I learned from this study:Screen Shot 2016-01-28 at 8.33.57 PM

1. It really is every man’s battle.  

You’re not alone in this fight. This was actually one of the most comforting things that came out of the study.  In a group of men that I had great respect for, each one of them had been through this battle.


2. Don’t try to exist in the middle ground.

You’ve probably heard the famous quote from Omaha beach on D-Day in WWII. “Only two kinds of people are gonna stay on this beach: those that are already dead and those that are gonna die.” When it comes to fighting for holiness, there’s not a middle ground.  You keep pursuing Christ at all costs.

“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman. –Job 31:1


3. The group is not a gossip session

In the very first session, someone wanted to start talking about other people.  Immediately one person shared how their own lust was the same as adultery and it transformed the conversation.  Men weren’t going to talk about other men, they were going share about their own struggle.

Matthew 5:27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.


4. You can’t do this in isolation.  

Self-Medication is not the way.  You need help.  By keeping yourself accountable with other men facing the same battle you can find success in winning this war.

For many men anger lies at the root of their porn addiction.  For other’s it’s a wife whose become more like their mommy than their life partner.  But there is definitely a way out – and there’s so much hope on the other side.  But you have to do the work.


If any of this sounds familiar, you may want to get professional help. If pornography is the issue, one of the best things you could ever do is attend the “Every Man’s Battle” workshop.  If you need help finding a counselor, please check out or call 1-800-NEW-LIFE.


Come join us for our unStuck series on Sundays and Wednesdays in February as we work at moving forward again.

The Power of Forgivness – UnStuck (Pt. 4)

Date: January 24th, 2016

Scripture: John 21:17

17 The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.

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UnStuck – Abuse – It’s Time to Say Something


Scared of speaking up.  Scared of leaving.  Scared of staying. Domestic abuse is unfortunately one of those places where many people get stuck and it is a hard place to leave.

UnstuckAbuseWebSMWhy don’t people suffering from abuse just get out?  It’s not always that easy.  Some people think this type of relationship is normal, because it’s what they knew as a child.  Some stay because financially they don’t know how they would make it on their own. Some are just too embarrassed to admit they are allowing this to happen.  And for many, a deep love for the abuser keeps them connected even through the abuse.

But there is hope.  Many people have stories of escaping abuse and getting their lives back again.

abuse pdf screenshot

more info about domestic abuse

Someone recently shared their “unstuck” story with me in the hope that it might be an encouragement to others. This person was stuck for almost 3 years before they started making their way out of a destructive relationship.   It turns out that pain became a blessing. When the abuse went from emotional to physical in front of her children, she knew something desperately had to change.

After working with 3 different counselors (sometimes you have to be persistent) she found the help she needed.  She was introduced to a friend who would walk with her through these very difficult decisions and would be a safe place to share the thoughts and hurts that she just couldn’t tell anyone else.

Speaking the words of scripture became a life-transforming habit.  Through difficult decisions and the onset of panic attacks, memorizing and speaking God’s word brought peace and courage and pushed fears aside.  Scriptures like these became transforming as she faced her fears.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” — Joshua 1:9

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” – 2 Timothy 1:7
“…Do not fret; it leads only to evil.” – Psalms 37:8

Through connection, counseling, and most of all – the power of the word of God – she made her way out of the abuse and into a healthy life.  And you can too, but you must be willing to take some important steps.

If you want to make your way out of an abusive relationship, it’s going to take courage, support and a good plan.  As we’ve seen with other problems, the way out involves finding someone you can trust and desperately seeking the Lord in prayer.  You can find some great resources at the National Domestic Violence Hotline.   They can help you with developing your plan and have a ton of useful information about this subject. 

 If any of this sounds familiar, you may want to get professional help. If you need help finding a counselor, please check out or call 1-800-NEW-LIFE.


Come join us for our unStuck series on Sundays and Wednesdays in January and February as we work at moving forward again.

No One Understands the Way the Secret Can – UnStuck (Pt. 3)

Date: January 17th, 2016

Scripture: Psalm 32:3-5

When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.  Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.”  And you forgave the guilt of my sin.

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UnStuck – Prescription Addiction – It’s Just for my Pain

Don’t think we have a prescription drug problem in America?  Here are some crazy stats from

  • 52 Million people in the US, over the age of 12, have used prescription drugs non-medically in their lifetime.UnstuckPrescriptionWeb
  • 6.1 Million people have used them non-medically in the past month.
  • 5 percent of the United States is the world’s population and consumes 75 percent of the the world’s prescription drugs.
  • In 2010, enough prescription painkillers were prescribed to medicate every American adult every 4 hours for 1 month.
  • The number of prescription medicine abusers in 2010 was 8.76 million.

Where are prescription drugs obtained?7

  • 0.3%: Bought on the internet
  • 1.9%: More than one doctor
  • 2.2%: Other
  • 3.9%: Drug dealer or stranger
  • 16.6% Bought/took from friend or relative
  • 18.1%: One doctor
  • 54.2%: FREE from friend or relative

All drug abuse is dangerous, but what is particularly dangerous about prescription drug abuse is the justifiable nature of it.  It’s so easy to rationalize about why you need to keep popping those pills.  But the danger is real when you’re misusing medicine that was intended for someone else or for some other health concern.

Like other addictions it’s easy to tell yourself that you’ve got it under control.  If you find yourself hiding your meds, asking friends or family for their meds, or others close to you are saying they are concerned about you – you probably need to get some help.

 “Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you suddenly like a trap.  Luke 21:34

Like most of the other problems we’ve been looking at during our series, prescription drug addiction is beatable.  Start by asking the Lord to help you with an honest inventory of your heart concerning the issues that are pushing you into addiction.  Then find someone with whom you can share your concerns.  If you don’t have someone like that, check out a good Bible study group at your church or find a local celebrate recovery group.  You don’t have to stay stuck in this anymore.  The Lord can set you free, but you have to take some steps toward recovery.

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.  John 8:36

If any of this sounds familiar, you may want to find professional help. If you need help finding a counselor, please check out or call 1-800-NEW-LIFE.


Come join us for our unStuck series on Sundays and Wednesdays in January and February as we work at moving forward again.

The Good Side of Desperate – UnStuck (Pt. 2)

Date: January 10th, 2016

Scripture: Mark 5:21-43

35 While Jesus was still speaking, some people came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue leader. “Your daughter is dead,” they said. “Why bother the teacher anymore?”

36 Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.”

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UnStuck – Depression – I Just Can’t Shake It

You know the symptoms all too well.  You never seem to have enough energy.  Many days are sad days, but some days you just don’t feel anything at all.  You tell yourself, “it will be ok,” but deep down you know that’s not true.   You know something is wrong, but you just don’t know what it is.  You’ve blamed yourself and sometimes you get angry at yourself because you just can’t make it better.  Maybe you feel disconnected from other people – even people that you love.  Maybe this quote sums it up for you… “I’m exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel.”


A friend of mine has a phrase we use whenever technology problems start to overwhelm. He calls it the Swamp of Sadness. This is also a good description for depression. You trudge along looking for the path that will lead to somewhere else, anywhere else, but you can’t ever seem to find the road that leads out. When prolonged sadness won’t leave you alone it’s time for help.

While exercise, rest and eating healthy are good steps to take when trying to make your way out of the swamp, one of the biggest steps you can take is to be around people who care for you. It’s so easy to isolate when you feel this way, but now is the time to be around people who love you. You need to be around people who can remind you how special you are and the significance and meaning that you bring to others. As Solomon wrote, “Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.”

If you need another reminder of your value check out the words of our Lord in Matthew 11.

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  –Matthew 11:28-30

Rest is waiting for you.  A rest that also reminds you of your value and significance.  But you’ll need to reach out.  You need to take the first step.  You need to connect with other people.  God made us for connection.

If you find the sadness still lingering even after all this, you may want to find professional help. If you need help finding a counselor, please check out or call 1-800-NEW-LIFE.


Come join us for our unStuck series on Sundays and Wednesdays in January and February as we work at moving forward again.

Stop Trying Harder – UnStuck (Pt. 1)

Date: January 3rd, 2016

Scripture: Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.

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